Love is love...

‎"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." ~ Anonymous

A few months ago I was doing research for a Valentine's Day blog post, and I came across and article on interracial relationships.  To paraphrase, "Are you getting your swirl on?".  Since I'm always at the front of the line when it comes to race, I was intrigued.  I hadn't heard the term swirl.  Frankly, when I thought of swirl the first thing that came to mind was soft Ice cream.  I also like the push the envelope on almost every topic; so, of course I clicked the link. The truth is, love is love. It's an unbreakable union between two souls.  The rules for romantic love are no different that that of platonic love.

Put "You" first - People who spend time honoring themselves have happier unions than those who always put their partner's needs first. 

Go to bed angry - Sometimes, "sleeping on it" gives new perspective.

Respect your relationship - Keep facebook, twitter, etc. out of your personal business.

Avoid toxic people - Some people are always trying ti bring you and/or your relationships down.

Disconnect from work - Just like you shouldn't take your home "stuff" to work, don't bring your work "stuff" home to your loved ones.

Send the housework out - This is one of my favorites, if you and your hubby, roommate, family, fill in the ________, can't agree on housework, splurge every once in a while and have a service do it.

Get a pre-nup - I know your thinking, how on earth am I supposed to get a pre-nup with my brother....well that's not the legal terminology for it, but money is a factor in virtually every relationship.  Some financial structure in any relationship is absolutely necessary.  Think of it as relationship protection.  Are you going to loan money if necessary?  Do you both look at it as a loan?  Is what yours, what's mine? I bet you thought all these things were just for married people.

So take heed and then head first into your relationships.  Be fearless in your approach to love.  Yes you can get hurt. Yes you might make mistakes.  Yes you might walk away with the most valuable and irreplaceable experiences.  A not to the single people who are looking for wedding.  Skip the marriage, put on fancy dress clothes, have a big party and love yourself.   I mean really, who's going to love you if you don't! 

Until next time, when we can chit-chat again! 
T.

Chivalry isn't dead....and, I like it!

Chivalry is the traditional code of conduct associated with medieval knighthood.  Over time its meaning has been refined to emphasize ideals such as, knightly virtues, honor and courtly love, and less about.....back up....courtly, that's the definition I'm looking for....Being a gentleman never goes out of style.  Now, you can’t fault a guy for abstaining from chivalry altogether. This stuff is confusing.  IKES!  These days, a lot of men, perhaps even you, fall short.  However, if you make chivalry a part of your life, good things will surely follow.  

1. Open the door for her.  Even the car door; sure she can open her own door once you hit the clicker, but I guarantee she'll notice when you open the car door for her. 
2. I'm on the fence about the next one.  Pull the chair out for her (not from under her) when you take her out to dinner.  Gently push in the chair so that she can sit down.  Don't shove the chair in, unless she's in need of the Heimlich maneuver. :-)  This will likely cause a strike against you.  
3. Another one I struggle with.  Help her to put her coat on and off, ONLY if she's struggling with it.  Otherwise you risk coming off as "creepy dude".
4. Stand when she does.  If she rises to go to the restroom, etc. stand until she departs.  As soon as she returns stand again.  She might not notice if you don't do it.  She'll definitely notice if you do.
5. Be sure to feed her.  Even if our time together doesn't include food.  Bring her a snack.   :-)   Ladies, stop fooling the gents that all you eat is a salad.   Once you get him home, he'll be shocked to see you pick up the fridge and shake the contents into your open mouth!   
6. Take an interest in her safety.  (Don't creep her out by following her home.)  Sure she can get home on her own, but if you call or text her, your likely to get noticed.  If you have a car, at least offer to pick her up.  Don't take offense if she turns you down.   Always offer to walk, take a cab, or drive her home.  (If she let's you escort her home, walk her to the door.  But don't show any expectation of being invited in.)  You might get some browney points if you go to her neighborhood for the second or third date. 
7. Make her laugh...if she snorts, all the better!  {:8)
8. If you are having a good time, ask her out before the end of the night.  Honestly, why play games, you aren't getting any younger!
9. Speaking of dates.  Plan the first date.  Have a plan and a back up plan.  
10. Pay attention to what she's told you and try to take her in that direction.  If you know she loves flowers, the botanical gardens would be a great place to take her on a first date.
11. Listen as much as you speak.  It'll make for a nice date....even if there isn't a spark.
12. Put an arm around her or offering your coat if it's cold.  This is a natural way to touch her and you won't come across as "creepy dude". 
13. Watch her purse.  No you don't have to carry it while you walk through the mall.  But, don't freak out if she runs to the restroom and asks you to watch it.  
14. Letting her order first is cool.  Ordering for her, puts you in the category of "creepy dude"!
15. It's cool to offer her a bite of you food.  If you try to feed her the bite...."creepy dude"!
16. Offer to carry her packages.  She'll notice if you let her do the heavy lifting.
17. Walk on the outside, closest to the street, as high heels tend to get stuck in grates.
    Also,  she won’t risk being splashed by puddles as cars drive by and it removes her from the dangers of traffic. 
18. If it's raining hold the umbrella and/or go get the car, so she doesn't have to get wet.
19. It's really nice for your to pay for the meal.  If she offers to chip in it's not because she doesn't like you, it's because she really wants to pay.  Plus, she likes spending time with you and doesn't want you to think she's taking advantage of getting a free meal.         Ladies if you don't really want to pay.  Don't offer to, it's disingenuous and sets your relationship on a dishonest course.
20. .....let's get back to this one.....

If you're not generally attentive, she's going to think somethings up.  Review the above and do only what you are comfortable doing and what comes naturally.  They are some good tips to earn major points with your lady friend and it's all pretty simple to do.  

So you might be wondering what triggered this post.  #20 did.

   20.  Quite often my shoelaces become untied (like a 10 year old boy) and people are constantly pointing it out to me.  On one recent untying, a gentleman friend simply knelt and tied my lace.  Now that might not seem very chivalrous, but it was honest, natural and frankly I liked it!

Until next time, when we can chit-chat again! 

T.

How it is and how it was....

Valentine's day is right around the corner.  

Now I could write something mushy about how you should love the one your with.  Or, I could write something cynical, like the story of St. Valentine shedding his blood for love.  However, I won't go there...umm...well, I won't go there in detail!  Instead I thought I'd share some rituals new and old.

Then.....

Armpit apples: Ladies, is the flirting and small talk getting your crush to notice you?  If not, try this old school, I mean 1700's (Victorian) old school, ritual.  Before you go to the ball...errr...I mean dance...I mean club, stick an apple or apple slices under your armpit.  At the end of the night, give it to your favorite guy.  If he likes you, apparently he'll take a bite of your sweaty armpit apple.  (Apparently this ritual may still be alive and well in rural Australia.) Personally, I'd be a little weary of this one.  The guy could just be a freak!  Maybe it's just pheromones, but your safest bet is to stick with serving up chocolates from a box.


Bundling: Once a common practice, males and females would spend the night together, in the same bed....but, tightly wrapped in separate blankets, with a "bundling board" between them.  Honestly, would this practice work now?  I think NOT!


Dance Cards: Apparently the Victorians also enjoyed dance cards.  Yes ladies, you'd always have someone to dance with at the club.  Gentlemen would sign dance card in order to take a spin around the floor.  It was considered poor form to have an available line on your dance card.  Equally, it was poor form not to dance with everyone who signed your card! In other words ladies, you can't say no if your asked to dance!


Gloves:  So in old world England, men would send gloves to their crush.  If she was interested she'd wear them.  This ritual seems really sweet, but I still don't think it would work in modern times.  
              Men were also required to wear gloves when courting. Typically a courting visit didn't last longer than half-hour and the gloves always stayed on. Oh to be forbidden from touching!  Actually, ice-skating and roller-skating became wildly popular because it was socially acceptable to touch while participating in these activities. 


Visiting Girls: This chinese (Dai) ritual entails women sitting around a bonfire, men wearing blankets and playing instruments. Each musician selects a woman to serenade.  If she likes him, she pulls a stool from under her skirt for him to sit on.  The man, in turn, wraps his blanket around her and they do what people in love do....get your mind out of the gutter...they whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears.

Now.......


Dating: He's willing to take you out in the day time...where people can see you.  If he only wants to see you at his house or yours....it's a "booty" call!


Laughter:   If he laughs at your jokes, even if they are not funny.  He's in it to win it.


Online dating:  This one is self explanatory!


Text:  If he's interested he'll text/email you between lunch and dinner.  Anything later than that is a "booty" call!

As a side note, say it with music: You might make your intended a CD with a list of favorite songs, which express your intensions.  Be carful with your song selection. Depending on the stage of your relationship you might select: (“So Into You” Fabolous; “Tell Me What We’re Gonna Do Now” Joss Stone; “Lost Without U” Robin Thicke;“Let’s Get It On” Marvin Gaye; “L-O-V-E” Joss Stone; "Lucky” Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat; “Make You Feel My Love” Adele; “Sunday Morning” Maroon 5; “Wonderful Tonight” Eric Clapton;“Marry Me” Train)....Again warning, if you put this list of songs on a CD, you better be ready to commit!

So if your brave enough to do it, on Feburary 14th, let your secret crush know your in tune with them, or at the very least you'll want to offer them your armpit apple, to see if they bite!

If your single, enjoy it!   Just think, you've saved yourself from creepy cupid.  You've saved yourself from the hassle of shopping for chocolates, flowers, champaign, lingerie, mylar balloons, mushy cards, candlelit dinners, overstuffed teddy bears, over priced jewelry.....I rattle that off as if it matters.

Let's face it, there's really nothing wrong with spending the night with someone you really love, YOU!!!

Until next time, when we can chit-chat again! 
T.